Dhoom: 3 review: Should you really watch it?

Ordinarily, I would never do a movie review. It just isn't my thing. But for a flick with quite an alluring starcast to be this bad, I just had to write this piece.

Here goes:

SPOILERS AHEAD

There is a recurring theme in almost all movie franchises that revolve around bikes, vengeance and money: They continue to revolve bikes, vengeance and money, albeit faster, meaner, bigger.

Dhoom: 3 is more of the same storyline in a different setting. This time it's in Chicago. Abhishek Bachchan plays the same old top cop Jai Dixit with the same old sidekick Ali Akbar - whose diminutive on screen presence keeps getting more and more annoying with each passing Dhoom-oment.

Aamir plays bad guy Sahir with a poignant back story that fuels his sense of revenge towards an evil 'stone-hearted' banker corporately named Mr. Anderson. Sahir's father Iqbal Khan (played by Jackie Shroff in a cameo), mired in colossal debt to Anderson's Western Bank of Chicago, takes his own life when the latter pulls the shutter on his dream project - The Great Indian Circus.

Sahir is robber extraordinaire-cum Tony Stark by day, masquerades as a circus man by night. But like other men of his ilk, Sahir lives with a long-kept secret: a reclusive, slavish, autistic twin named Samar living in his brother's great shadow. Samar is his expedient but also his kryptonite.

Katrina Kaif plays Aliya, a freelance artist (if I may call her that) whose strip-as-you-skip dancing will leave you gasping for air. Katrina employs her signature hip-thrust with elan, and this is one of the few takeaways from Dhoom: 3.

OK, now for the real review. I'ma keep it short and sweet.

Dhoom: 3 is really just a bad mesh of Road Rash and GTA on drum and bass.

Dhoom: 3 is the reason why computer-generated imagery artists still get a paycheck. More of the same larger than life, unoriginal stunts packaged to deceive the viewer. Fail.

Too many people are wondering why Uday Chopra hasn't retired yet. Well, we should really leave that up to Aditya Chopra, coz' he's always out there for lil' bro.

I have always believed Abhishek Bachchan isn't half a bad actor as he is made out to be. But his vapid performance as Jai Dixit does nothing to prove his critics wrong.

Katrina Kaif's role adds to the sex appeal of the mean machine franchise. Besides her seemingly sensual intro number, and the gymnastic prowess with which she gyrates, she offers little to the film.

If at all Dhoom: 3 has a star, then it has got to be Aamir. Much has been said about his timeless versatility in Bollywood, where he can count only one other actor as his peer - Hrithik Roshan, who unsurprisingly played Abhishek's nemesis in the previous Dhoom instalment.

Take nothing away from Aamir - the ease with which he plays both devious Sahir and dupable Samar is a delight to watch. But then again, Aamir's performance does little to salvage a predictably boring plot.

The one thing that I did like about Dhoom: 3 is the adage Iqbal Khan recites with his sons, and which they continue to render time and again, even to their deaths.

Bande Hain Hum Uske
Hum Pe Kiska Zor
Ummedon Ke Suraj
Nikle Charon Aur
Irade Hain Fauladi
Himati Har Kadam
Apne Haathon Kismat Likhne
Aaj Chale Hain Hum

But I wonder why the Chicago Police Department would need to fly an Indian cop all the way to solve a bank robbery case. Beats my mind.

Dhoom and Dhoom: 2 may have done justice to the onomatopoeia 'Dhoom'. Dhoom: 3 fails to pack a punch.

You might laud the dance sequences, specially the acrobat-like display from Katrina and Aamir in 'Malang.' But do you need to watch the movie? No, just YouTube em'.

Well then, how bad is Dhoom?

In the first few minutes, when Jackie Shroff puts a gun to his head, and pulls the trigger, you really wish it was you instead of him.

If you are going to watch it anyway, here's something golden: Watch the first ten minutes, step out of the theatre for the next 120, and step back in. You won't regret it.

Rating - *, at best **.


P.S. - You could instead watch this - AIB's humble plea to Bollywood

We will bring you back home Devyani Khobragade

"There’s a great deal we hope India will contribute to. The peace and prosperity in the 21st century will be impacted upon by the outcomes of that relationship. It’s the defining partnership in the century ahead."

These words belong to United States Vice President Joe Biden, who, on a visit to India earlier this year, expounded on how his 'great' nation and our 'great' nation were both 'great partners' of the 21st century.

Great because we stand united against terrorism, unified in the face of a rising China, and as the two towering exemplars of modern democracy.  

Perhaps our 'greatest' folly has been to wholly misinterpret the American view of our testingly 'unique' partnership. Despite all the camaraderie and democratic affinity, if one tries to see through all the brouhaha - it is clear: we will never be equal partners.

Perhaps the realization of our deeply flawed and broken bilateral relationship only hit the Indian Government when a 39-year-old Indian woman Devyani Khobragade, serving as the Deputy Consul General in New York was arrested in full public view for a crime not proven in a court of law, and subject to humiliation in the form of repeated strip searches by US Marshals; unheard of for any diplomat, let alone for one who has made her country proud on several occasions.

Khobragade's alleged crime was to have denied her domestic help minimum wages as per the local wage laws, when sadly, the diplomat herself falls below the wage line. The US even went on to claim that Khobragade has made a false declaration of the maid's wages to the US authorities, thereby committing visa fraud.

Shouldn't Indians who work in US missions across India too get paid minimum wages as deemed mandatory in Washington DC?

To have her confined in a prison cell with drug addicts as inmates is not only denigratory, but is also an absolute violation of the Vienna Convention on Consular Relations.

This also exposes the deep gulf that exists between how India sees the US and how the US sees the world. This isn't just about the US playing big brother, it is about human rights; rights that the US has very conveniently toyed with over and over again.

Quite surprisingly, the Indian Government sent out stern messages to America, warning them of swift reciprocity in equal measure if corrective action wasn't taken soon and vowing to bring Khobragade back.

Reciprocity was swift indeed. Barricades were removed, IDs reviewed, Congressional delegation shunned; and US diplomats, who once enjoyed special privileges by India were now treated as ordinary diplomats. Whether or not the message went across resoundingly, the American mission
was brought to its proverbial knees.

Devyani Khobragade is a proud woman who wears the tricolour on her sleeve and we shall bring her home, even if it means further rupturing our 'great' albeit brittle relationship with the US.

She has been transferred to the UN permanent mission in New York, which means she will be able to exercise full diplomatic immunity. Soon, she will be home.

But we need to watch out for the future. If US doesn't mend its ways, it will indeed lose a 'great' partner in India.

Paul Walker's tragic demise and life's most valuable lesson

In what was a horrible loss to humanity, one of my favourites, and one of the few Hollywood personalities who made driving a supercar look good, Paul Walker - all of 40 - died on Saturday, in a nightmarish accident.

Both Walker and his friend, who was also the driver, were immediately declared dead as their Porsche crashed against a light pole and a tree, instantly going up in flames.

Walker was loved around the world for his role in the Fast movie franchise as Brian O'Conner, a good LA cop-gone-bad-gone-good, his love of fast cars both for real and in reel.

In five of the six movies that he starred in the Fast franchise, Walker's character was in sublime control of his destiny, evading death time and again like a ferret, rising from the flames like a phoenix, stronger, 'faster' each time.

It is perhaps tragically ironic that Paul met his premature end in such horrific fashion. But his death serves a glaring reminder of why one must value life more than anything else. Speed can kill.

Three years ago on a wintry night, I came out alive and walking straight from a car crash of F&F proportions. Traumatised but not shaken, I jumped out of my car a wiser man. For better or for worse, the incident impacted me in a way I can never fully describe.

Dazed by a car blazing past me - the driver clearly under the influence - I hastily steered my vehicle to the extreme right. An impetuous lapse of judgement: to date, this has been my closest shave with death.

My car grinded against the divider uncontrollably; I could see the sparks emanate from the side like fireflies-on-steroids. All of this was filmic, straight out of the director's playbook; up till now I had only seen it in movies like F&F, now I witnessing it firsthand.

I was petrified to say the least, but I tried to regain my senses all in the moment, and fearing any bodily damage, swiftly covered my head in my arms.

The car kissed the pavement for over a hundred metres before grinding to a halt and eventually tipping over. It was a total wreck, gave many a sleepless night to my incredulous family.

As luck would have it, I had lowered both my windows while driving, which helped me get out without much effort. I escaped through one of the openings with so much as an abrasion to my side, but the incident did leave its mark.

From that day onwards, I fully began to comprehend how important life really is. I began to realize how important it is to love, to express gratitude, and to seek forgiveness.

As I recount the incident, I hope that even the bitterest of my enemies never finds himself in such a terrifying grey zone, between life and death.

Life's most valuable lesson: Value life.