Dhoom: 3 review: Should you really watch it?

Ordinarily, I would never do a movie review. It just isn't my thing. But for a flick with quite an alluring starcast to be this bad, I just had to write this piece.

Here goes:

SPOILERS AHEAD

There is a recurring theme in almost all movie franchises that revolve around bikes, vengeance and money: They continue to revolve bikes, vengeance and money, albeit faster, meaner, bigger.

Dhoom: 3 is more of the same storyline in a different setting. This time it's in Chicago. Abhishek Bachchan plays the same old top cop Jai Dixit with the same old sidekick Ali Akbar - whose diminutive on screen presence keeps getting more and more annoying with each passing Dhoom-oment.

Aamir plays bad guy Sahir with a poignant back story that fuels his sense of revenge towards an evil 'stone-hearted' banker corporately named Mr. Anderson. Sahir's father Iqbal Khan (played by Jackie Shroff in a cameo), mired in colossal debt to Anderson's Western Bank of Chicago, takes his own life when the latter pulls the shutter on his dream project - The Great Indian Circus.

Sahir is robber extraordinaire-cum Tony Stark by day, masquerades as a circus man by night. But like other men of his ilk, Sahir lives with a long-kept secret: a reclusive, slavish, autistic twin named Samar living in his brother's great shadow. Samar is his expedient but also his kryptonite.

Katrina Kaif plays Aliya, a freelance artist (if I may call her that) whose strip-as-you-skip dancing will leave you gasping for air. Katrina employs her signature hip-thrust with elan, and this is one of the few takeaways from Dhoom: 3.

OK, now for the real review. I'ma keep it short and sweet.

Dhoom: 3 is really just a bad mesh of Road Rash and GTA on drum and bass.

Dhoom: 3 is the reason why computer-generated imagery artists still get a paycheck. More of the same larger than life, unoriginal stunts packaged to deceive the viewer. Fail.

Too many people are wondering why Uday Chopra hasn't retired yet. Well, we should really leave that up to Aditya Chopra, coz' he's always out there for lil' bro.

I have always believed Abhishek Bachchan isn't half a bad actor as he is made out to be. But his vapid performance as Jai Dixit does nothing to prove his critics wrong.

Katrina Kaif's role adds to the sex appeal of the mean machine franchise. Besides her seemingly sensual intro number, and the gymnastic prowess with which she gyrates, she offers little to the film.

If at all Dhoom: 3 has a star, then it has got to be Aamir. Much has been said about his timeless versatility in Bollywood, where he can count only one other actor as his peer - Hrithik Roshan, who unsurprisingly played Abhishek's nemesis in the previous Dhoom instalment.

Take nothing away from Aamir - the ease with which he plays both devious Sahir and dupable Samar is a delight to watch. But then again, Aamir's performance does little to salvage a predictably boring plot.

The one thing that I did like about Dhoom: 3 is the adage Iqbal Khan recites with his sons, and which they continue to render time and again, even to their deaths.

Bande Hain Hum Uske
Hum Pe Kiska Zor
Ummedon Ke Suraj
Nikle Charon Aur
Irade Hain Fauladi
Himati Har Kadam
Apne Haathon Kismat Likhne
Aaj Chale Hain Hum

But I wonder why the Chicago Police Department would need to fly an Indian cop all the way to solve a bank robbery case. Beats my mind.

Dhoom and Dhoom: 2 may have done justice to the onomatopoeia 'Dhoom'. Dhoom: 3 fails to pack a punch.

You might laud the dance sequences, specially the acrobat-like display from Katrina and Aamir in 'Malang.' But do you need to watch the movie? No, just YouTube em'.

Well then, how bad is Dhoom?

In the first few minutes, when Jackie Shroff puts a gun to his head, and pulls the trigger, you really wish it was you instead of him.

If you are going to watch it anyway, here's something golden: Watch the first ten minutes, step out of the theatre for the next 120, and step back in. You won't regret it.

Rating - *, at best **.


P.S. - You could instead watch this - AIB's humble plea to Bollywood